PATRIOTISM!!!!! BEER!!!!! BIKINIS!!!!! CRACK!!

Hey all. How the hell are you today? Are you stoked on life?!?!? On sunshine!?! On crack?!?!MMM??!??!? You know I was going to a go a completely different direction there but ended up googling "on crack" and guess who's lovely face showed. Yes, dearest Amy is at it again. Crimeny I'm glad I'm not a celebrity. Girlfriend's got so many people riding her ass how could she not do crack? There's nothing else left to do! Oh yea, well...... you could maybe go.... to..... rehab..?? mm? Food for thought.

Moving on.

Why this weekend already is blowing my mind: my inner patriot shall roam free by bike, by water, and by foot. Sheer heathenry will be unleashed upon my quaint hometown of Redding, CA. Can you handle the heat Redding!!?!?! Or I guess a better question is, can we Oregon ladies handle Redding's heat? Fucking 106 degrees! Are you serious? I've been turning the fan on when we peak at 80 up here. Jeepers, I'm sweating already just thinking about it. However the outcome, I will be pleased if I can return to the green state looking slightly less pale and slightly more ravaged from an incredible weekend.

There will be....... THIS!!!!!!!!The Sevylor Mesh River Tube 3000! Complete with backrest, 2 Fucking cupholders!, and my personal favorite Snap and Stay feature to be able to hang with friends! I totally just stepped up my 4th of July plans by purchasing this bad boy. And what of Gummy!? Yes Gummy my beloved alligator that got my lovely ass down the Truckee River for a week straight last summer. He's coming too.. If not for anyone's transportation than for my own personal enjoyment and his veteran voyage. Love you Gummy, my man.
What is more, is that rafting the ole sacapatatoes river is happening the day BEFORE the 4th so I can build my patriotic fever all day long saturday with four lokos, and sun, and gummy and then spew it all out (I mean get reallly fucking patriotic on the 4th). What this means : I will be wearing my American flag bikini top and will be quoting famous presidents and Team America all day long. (FUCK YEA!) I will be hanging with the highest concentration of lady sharks since... I don't even know when. We got Hammerhead, Threshies, Angel Shark, Bull Shark, Frilled Shark, and Great White will be out there driftin on Shasta Lake. Things might erupt... Like Mt. Shasta cus it's so close and all.
Adding to the madness will be my cousin Eden. Thank god. She is fanastic. We've barely been together since the days she used to pinch me and tell me I was the boy when we would play house, but hey, I like her attitude. Girl gives off some shark vibes. I'll let you know about that one... And my broja! And his new girlfriend. This should be fantastic.

To summarize this lump of crap garbage I've just barfed all over you, I'm going to Redding this weekend with my girls. We're gonna raft down the river, bike to the bars, watch some fireworks, and probably attack things. You've been warned Dirty 530.

Everything is okay in Big Sur.

Nostalgia struck me hard today, rolled in like clouds and rained on my parade. Sitting on a hardwood floor thumbing through artwork, I was taken back to Big Sur. For those who know this place, know ecstasy. I am back on my mountain with all of my friends watching the sunset where the west coast comes to an end. On top of the world above the cloudline, feeling your soul sink into the sublime. I miss this home, I miss the dirt that cakes onto your hands, sleeping bag, and your shirt. That is, if you're wearing one...because most often than not you'll be throwing off clothes once you get to the top. I can still smell the whiskey on our breath, feel the wind in my dreads from riding on the top of the beast, and the stab of hitch hikers in my bare feet. Goddess parties, topless in the trees, crying, laughing, drunk on eachother's company. Dancing on the roof, Red Stripes and cigars for breakfast, beer showers, and sunburns. It's all there. It's just me that's not. When I die, throw me off a cliff in Big Sur to rot.

28 Days Later

The 1
Big Sur

I'm going to California. Bought my plane ticket today. Soon enough I will be balls deep in vacation, cruising down the 1 with my beautiful friend, smoking cigs with Martha, and watching the sunset on the ocean, Red Stripe in hand on Pescadero Road. 4 months have passed since I've been to the Bay Area and I can't take it any longer. I need late night wrestling, bottles of wine, movies til I fall asleep, long hair, the scent of soap, redwoods, road trips, Pescadero burritos, The black beast, bare feet, morning greetings, coffee and cocoa puffs with the kitchen crew, APPLE JACKS (see below), did I mention redwoods, cleaning parties, Coyote Hill, Santa Cruz, and BIG FREAKING SUR! Hopefully I'll be able to fit all of this in 5 days.
Upon my arrival I can be sure of one thing, there will be Red Stripe waiting for me right out of the gate. When the time comes to leave I can be sure of one thing, I will try my hardest not to cry and probably fail miserably. Leaving La Honda has proven to be, emotionally, one of the hardest experiences I've had for awhile for several reasons... 1. I'm never quite sure of when I will be back (it's been averaging every 4 months or so)2. I wonder if my efforts are made in vain. and 3. I know that I probably won't be kissing anyone like that for a very very long time (I consider 4 months a very very long time).
So you may be asking yourself, "what the hell hammerhead? why so vague when referencing your romantic life?" In response I can only say that it has been a very very long road of dissapointments and I would hate to taint this one precious bit of amorous sanity that I have, some how, magically retained with this one person. Whether he knows it or not, I miss the shit out of him every day and can only hope that some time in the future, fate would have our paths cross again (for longer than 4 months out of the year). Until then..........
"We will lie under different stars I am where i am and you're where you are"- Trespassers William