PATRIOTISM!!!!! BEER!!!!! BIKINIS!!!!! CRACK!!

Hey all. How the hell are you today? Are you stoked on life?!?!? On sunshine!?! On crack?!?!MMM??!??!? You know I was going to a go a completely different direction there but ended up googling "on crack" and guess who's lovely face showed. Yes, dearest Amy is at it again. Crimeny I'm glad I'm not a celebrity. Girlfriend's got so many people riding her ass how could she not do crack? There's nothing else left to do! Oh yea, well...... you could maybe go.... to..... rehab..?? mm? Food for thought.

Moving on.

Why this weekend already is blowing my mind: my inner patriot shall roam free by bike, by water, and by foot. Sheer heathenry will be unleashed upon my quaint hometown of Redding, CA. Can you handle the heat Redding!!?!?! Or I guess a better question is, can we Oregon ladies handle Redding's heat? Fucking 106 degrees! Are you serious? I've been turning the fan on when we peak at 80 up here. Jeepers, I'm sweating already just thinking about it. However the outcome, I will be pleased if I can return to the green state looking slightly less pale and slightly more ravaged from an incredible weekend.

There will be....... THIS!!!!!!!!The Sevylor Mesh River Tube 3000! Complete with backrest, 2 Fucking cupholders!, and my personal favorite Snap and Stay feature to be able to hang with friends! I totally just stepped up my 4th of July plans by purchasing this bad boy. And what of Gummy!? Yes Gummy my beloved alligator that got my lovely ass down the Truckee River for a week straight last summer. He's coming too.. If not for anyone's transportation than for my own personal enjoyment and his veteran voyage. Love you Gummy, my man.
What is more, is that rafting the ole sacapatatoes river is happening the day BEFORE the 4th so I can build my patriotic fever all day long saturday with four lokos, and sun, and gummy and then spew it all out (I mean get reallly fucking patriotic on the 4th). What this means : I will be wearing my American flag bikini top and will be quoting famous presidents and Team America all day long. (FUCK YEA!) I will be hanging with the highest concentration of lady sharks since... I don't even know when. We got Hammerhead, Threshies, Angel Shark, Bull Shark, Frilled Shark, and Great White will be out there driftin on Shasta Lake. Things might erupt... Like Mt. Shasta cus it's so close and all.
Adding to the madness will be my cousin Eden. Thank god. She is fanastic. We've barely been together since the days she used to pinch me and tell me I was the boy when we would play house, but hey, I like her attitude. Girl gives off some shark vibes. I'll let you know about that one... And my broja! And his new girlfriend. This should be fantastic.

To summarize this lump of crap garbage I've just barfed all over you, I'm going to Redding this weekend with my girls. We're gonna raft down the river, bike to the bars, watch some fireworks, and probably attack things. You've been warned Dirty 530.

Notice

Hello all. For those of you that know me, you are aware that I have a somewhat monotonous job that allows me to get lost in large mansions for hours at a time. During these shifts I'm able to do a lot of thinking. My, let's call them "think attacks" sometimes produce solid gold. More times than not, they produce loads and loads of crap garbage. Today as I mosied about, I had much on my mind and started to compile a list (big on lists lately) that I feel like sharing.

Things I like today

• sexting


• open windows (sometimes wanting to jump out of them)


• whiskey (I like this too much)


• low expectations


• privacy


• bowling


• patriotic apparel (cus I'm an Amurican)


• "Where have all the cowboys gone?" by Paula Cole

Things I don't like today

• Bah! I have nothing! Excellent.

And that sums up my deep thoughts for the day, folks. THHHHAAANNKKS

"if you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing "

Boys in the Makeup Hood.

This blog is for all the fellas out there who wake up in the morning, get in the shower, brush their, teeth, and then decide that it's a good day to throw on some eyeliner. Yes, those silly boys. As initially turned off I am by this act, I can't help but hoping that maybe someday Glamour Boy might take advantage of me in the throws of some strange and surreal fantasy. Not just any boy in lipstick though. I have my few candidates that I have secretly (or not so secretly) swooned over since the tender age of 10. Case and point Jay Gordon.

If you didn't know, Jay is the lead singer of Orgy. I used to run home from the bus stop every day in elementry school when Blue Monday was on TRL. Just to see his lovely ass glamoring away on the ole boob tube. For the record, Jay you still get me hott in your plastic outfits and fucked up hair dos.

Up next Ville Valo, lead singer of HIM Okay, I'm gonna have to really hand this one over to my sister. She was the original bleeding heart for Valo. I mean, technically I only knew of his existence because of her die hard commitment to listening to their records on repeat (My personal favorite being Razorblade Romance). Regardless of his serious as shit lyrics, the Villmeister can be quite a queen (see Join Me In Death video) leaving me wondering if it's boys he might really be wanting to cut himself with. Yea, bust out your sharp edges people, cus this guy will only have you if you're willing to bleed on an alter of roses and poisonous beverages. Seeing as though that's really not my scene anymore (Jade, I don't think it's yours either) we can sit back and admire from a far, all the while rocking out to Sweet 666 and enjoying UV, flowers, and not dying. P.S Just googled "Boys in makeup" and guess who was the first to pop up. LMAO you slay me Valo.

And at last, a more recent fabulous crush would be Elijah Blue (Or if he had his way Phillips Exeter Blue) of Deadsy and, strikingly enough of Cher. Yes, Cher's baby grew up to be kind of a Baldwin in a weird and sparkley kind of way.

Anywho, I ended up really loving this band, Deadsy. One because their music is kind of awesome (an aquired taste, however), two cus they have this pretty interesting theme going on (see visual appearance on the wiki page), and three because most of their songs reference a dear book and idealogy of mine, Urantia. Even if the book is total crap (obviously not my view) I still think it's awesome that he writes fantastic songs about it. Reading is sexy Blue. Reading is totttallly sexy. Here, I'll leave you with a little video of Deadsy's, because most likely, you've never fucking heard of them.

And to end it right, I wanted to mention a few runners up because they are also, fabulous glitzy glam rock boys.

Marilyn Manson- inspired me to wear heart shaped glasses for a year. God his girlfriend's hott too. Brian Molko of Placebo- Apparently he has a kid? I'm not convinced, but you're hott to me in a creepy way so Ima gonna let that one slide B. Tim Curry at all times. He is sexual, creepy and violent. Kinda turns me on a little bit. OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Look what I found!!!! Brian Molko givin Ville Valo a little smoochy smooch. That's fine by me boys but good luck explaining this to your son, Molko.

Da Bizness

So I wrote half of this a few days ago and the rest today. Considering rapping it or using it for slam poetry sometime. Feedback is encourged. Thanks. So I'm sitting here pondering life in my fist
thinking "there's really no need to get pissed
cus I work everyday and I'm still poor as fuck."
Just a material girl a little down her on luck.
But that got me going down another thought path
You know I'm actually well off if you consider the math...
I've got shoes on my feet, air in my lungs
Live in the land of the free so I can still purchase guns
And what more could you ask for in this day and age?
You can still live like kings and yet be slaves to the wage
But I'll be the first to admit that I don't have it all
Remembering the adage "oh how the mighty do fall"
Live as simple as you can and I'm sure that you'd find
that real value is locked in your heart and your mind.
Not your iphone, your laptop, your high tech contraptions
Though I have my fair share and they are lovely distractions
Just please don't forget that you are here with a purpose
We're all little acts in this huge freak show circus
And we're only as strong as our weakest of links
So we're all going down if this fucking ship sinks...

Why today is so terrifying.

This One.

This is Leen. AKA Pooter. Today she turns 21. She may look like a nice girl. All sugar and spice and everything nice. Like here.....
But under that facade of seemingly girl next door demeanor, there is a rampant and wild she wolf cheetah waiting for that 5th shot of tequila that will unleash the beast. I'm pretty sure she's made out of some viscious desert carnivore, electric fence, and a bit of David Bowie. Look at that smirk. It's saying "Danger! I will break everything and everyone the day I'm allowed into a bar."

Terrifying.

Consider yourself warned Planet Earth.

So I was busy this weekend....

Several things on the agenda today...


This weekend I attended The Foundation Breakdance Battle at Bossanova. It was siiiiick. Push Jones got to perform and were even later complimented by the judge and former contestant of America's Best Dance Crew, Do-Knock. Turns out he's a fun guy to party with as well. After having a couple drinks at the battle me, some of the Push ladies, and Do-Knock mosied up the road to The Report for the after party. My heavens.... So many breakdancing people. Twixxx of the Massive Monkey's made an appearance (also from ABDC). After several whiskey/cokes I pulled out my favorite MC Hammer dance move in front of the hip hop professionals. If you're unsure what that looks like, watch this...I am such an idiot sometimes... Day 2 of Foundation was pretty decent too with my duties including PROMOTIONS! Some people scream and run away in fear and the first mention of doing promotion work. I on the other hand love to make an ass of myself in public and talk to large groups of people so I accepted the offer with open arms. That day I was promoting workshop a with Do-Knock and Twixx at my lovely home studio Vega Dance Lab the following day. I made sure everyone who even looked close to being able to dance recieved a flyer :) I found the best strategy if people tried to give the flyers back to was to drop my arms and insist that I had none. Muhahahaha. I'm evil. And uh.. New Push Jones poster by my choreographer's husband, Joe. So cool.

I actually ended up going to that workshop and it was kick ass. When I say kick ass I mean it kicked my ass. Today I am brandishing bruises and sore muscles. Apparently Do-Knock is a beast when it comes to choreography and it turned out to be most welcome. I was pushed. It was good. FEEL THE BURN! Twixxx ended up teaching a sort of freestyle workshop on how to jump into dance circles. I feel like I've always been pretty comfortable with this. My issue is getting some new material. The hammer can only take me so far, right? By the end of the class, I was exhausted but soo happy to have gone and been able to experience the talent these two dudes have to offer, let alone their kindess. Good people. Here's a video of them both. Be impressed.

Happy early birthday to me.

Oh Monday, how you've made a turn for the better. Today at work was a bit rough seeing as though my client's house was a disaster when I showed up (p.s. I'm a house keeper). I only had 4 hours to turn the house around too so it was a bit stressful. I didn't even have a moment to eat a banana (shame). Thankfully, my ever so understanding boss came to help me and we finished 45 minutes late. Not too bad but not my best.
So I'm driving home and then it strikes me.. "SHIT! I have to buy my Sasquatch Music Festival ticket tonight to get the most reasonable price on a 3 day pass!" So I rushed home tired but excited to make my purchase. Thankfully, Timber J is home (eating a salad ofcourse) and informs me that her and Leen have already bought their passes. I must buy mine IMMEDIATELY then! So I dish out the $187.00 scrillas even though I don't get paid til Friday. Prices will continue to increase after the release of the lineup tonight though so better now than later. Those bastards at Sasquatch just wanted to see how badly I wanted it. I know it... Closing such a deal on a Monday and not a Friday.BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I will take the hit and consider this an early birthday present to myself. The last festival ticket I recieved as a birthday gift was an absolute success (Outside Lands 2008) AMAZING. I'm still dragging my jaw from seeing Radiohead perform live.
So here I am, the proud owner of a Sasquatch ticket. You might be asking yourself, "Well who the hell is playing then?" Haha. Funny you ask that. I don't know yet. Does that sound stupid? Why buy a 3 day festival ticket when the lineup could potentially (hopefully not) be pure rubbish?...

Cus I'm an asshole that's why!



What I'm really looking forward to is running around in a bathing suit all day long with my wonderful friends (3 confirmed as of right now), camping, drinking all day long, sweating in the sun, seeing bands that I'm stoked on, seeing bands that I mildly care for, seeing bands that I've never heard of, taking in the Gorge, being ridiculous, and dancing wildly. If nothing else, it will be the most expensive view of the Columbia River that I have invested in as of yet.

Furthermore, the lineup comes out tonight and I'm pumped to see what kind of mystery bag I've dug my little hand into. I'm hoping for some MGMT, Radiohead (would love to see them again. best concert EVER!), Temper Trap, Kings of Leon, Animal Collective, Bon Iver, The Avett Brothers, Mos Def, NIN, Broken Social Scene, Why?, Micheal Franti (another very very awesome live performer), Andrew Bird, Beirut, etc. Just to name a few from festivals I've seen before or were included in the lineup last year. C'mon May! Where you at!?!?!?!