My new favorite hobby

To follow up on that last blog, my dear internets, I want to share with you something that has become very dear to my heart.

Sexy texting. YESSS We've got to have more sexts! I want them. Now! NOW DAMNIT.

Whoaskies. Okay sorry. But this has become an activity to really get you through that boring work day. Am I wrong? I mean to be completely honest, I'm a sexting tease (see horrible sexter). I apologize to those of you out there who asked to see a picture of a certain feline and recieved a picture of this

Though I will say what I lack in sexiness I make up for in creativity. And seeing as though I'm a conservative kind of girl (questioning this statement but gonna rock it anyways) I like to sext with those in a light hearted manner. I don't really want to hear about your raging semi but please do go ahead and tell me what kind of Furry animal you would be. That game is fun.
Talk about counter culture. I think I'd be a squirrel....

Disclaimer: As of yet my sexy texts are rated PG and are sent to trusted and reliable friends. I do not condone going spread eagle on your mobile device and sending it to your latest boyfriend. You are setting yourself up for EPIC FAILURE!

ALSO! If sexy texting aint cho thang, the other day I dreamed up a brilliant little nugget. Unsexy texting! Probably just as thrilling and could be slightly less intimidating. Food for unsexy thoughts: "Hey boo, I'm taking a crap and thinking of you". "Damn gurl, this jock itch got me down. fuuuck" Just a few to get you started.

Anyone wanna sexy/unsexy text? I'm kind of bored.

Boys in the Makeup Hood.

This blog is for all the fellas out there who wake up in the morning, get in the shower, brush their, teeth, and then decide that it's a good day to throw on some eyeliner. Yes, those silly boys. As initially turned off I am by this act, I can't help but hoping that maybe someday Glamour Boy might take advantage of me in the throws of some strange and surreal fantasy. Not just any boy in lipstick though. I have my few candidates that I have secretly (or not so secretly) swooned over since the tender age of 10. Case and point Jay Gordon.

If you didn't know, Jay is the lead singer of Orgy. I used to run home from the bus stop every day in elementry school when Blue Monday was on TRL. Just to see his lovely ass glamoring away on the ole boob tube. For the record, Jay you still get me hott in your plastic outfits and fucked up hair dos.

Up next Ville Valo, lead singer of HIM Okay, I'm gonna have to really hand this one over to my sister. She was the original bleeding heart for Valo. I mean, technically I only knew of his existence because of her die hard commitment to listening to their records on repeat (My personal favorite being Razorblade Romance). Regardless of his serious as shit lyrics, the Villmeister can be quite a queen (see Join Me In Death video) leaving me wondering if it's boys he might really be wanting to cut himself with. Yea, bust out your sharp edges people, cus this guy will only have you if you're willing to bleed on an alter of roses and poisonous beverages. Seeing as though that's really not my scene anymore (Jade, I don't think it's yours either) we can sit back and admire from a far, all the while rocking out to Sweet 666 and enjoying UV, flowers, and not dying. P.S Just googled "Boys in makeup" and guess who was the first to pop up. LMAO you slay me Valo.

And at last, a more recent fabulous crush would be Elijah Blue (Or if he had his way Phillips Exeter Blue) of Deadsy and, strikingly enough of Cher. Yes, Cher's baby grew up to be kind of a Baldwin in a weird and sparkley kind of way.

Anywho, I ended up really loving this band, Deadsy. One because their music is kind of awesome (an aquired taste, however), two cus they have this pretty interesting theme going on (see visual appearance on the wiki page), and three because most of their songs reference a dear book and idealogy of mine, Urantia. Even if the book is total crap (obviously not my view) I still think it's awesome that he writes fantastic songs about it. Reading is sexy Blue. Reading is totttallly sexy. Here, I'll leave you with a little video of Deadsy's, because most likely, you've never fucking heard of them.

And to end it right, I wanted to mention a few runners up because they are also, fabulous glitzy glam rock boys.

Marilyn Manson- inspired me to wear heart shaped glasses for a year. God his girlfriend's hott too. Brian Molko of Placebo- Apparently he has a kid? I'm not convinced, but you're hott to me in a creepy way so Ima gonna let that one slide B. Tim Curry at all times. He is sexual, creepy and violent. Kinda turns me on a little bit. OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Look what I found!!!! Brian Molko givin Ville Valo a little smoochy smooch. That's fine by me boys but good luck explaining this to your son, Molko.

Regarding our origins

Here's a little blurb I wrote the other day after reading the Urantia Papers for a few hours in the sections titled "First Human Family" and "Evolution Overcontrol". I wrote this small ryhme to basically sum up the chapters.

You see it all starts with a sea sponge inhabiting the shoreline

Representing the borderline between animal and vegetable

It's contestable to say that life matter came from cosmic splatter

left uninvested by superior planning.

Our stab in the dark planet, that was meant to be Satanic

made quite a name for itself in years to come

Apes got some will, made weapons to kill,

and a pair of twins left home pretty young

At this point it's all about breeding,

interweaving of genetic lines till you're able to find

a proper mate with desireable traits so we can fuse, body, spirit, and mind.

So that's the synopsis of those chapters. Hmm...History.. Hmm..

You're welcome in advance..

Because my friends have left me for spring break, I've decided to catch up on those movies that I want to see but never rent because I am either too lazy, embarrassed, or broke to do so. My picks for this week were Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, New Moon of the Twilight Saga, and This Is It about Michael Jackson's last tour. I was filled with so much commentary I figured I better share some of it with you.

First and foremost ALICE AND WONDERLAND.
My Thoughts: Lovely to look at (costumes, CGI, cast), engaging and dynamic plot, a bit short, and strange sexual tension between the Mad Hatter and Alice. This was the first movie I've ever seen in 3D and after the initial disorientation, was much appreciated for the journey into Wonderland (Underland?) I suggest going to see this movie if you have no other plans.

Next Up NEW MOON. Ugh Bleah. Gag me with a fucking spoon. This movie is even shittier than the first. Okay, yea I understand why A TON of people are into this saga. It's filmed pretty well and the folks are hot but I will say this once again, these qualities CANNOT save your whole movie. For one, I don't believe that Bella and Edward love eachother because...(exhibit A. They have shown no qualities of a healthy relationship together since the dawn of Twilight. Where is the laughing? The occasional date night? THE APPRECIATION OF BEING INDEPENDANT HUMAN BEINGS?!?!?) (exhibit B. Bella is so frickin whiney and waifish, who could love her?)(exhibit C. No chemistry what so ever. Watching them kiss is painful. It's like they're both sucking on a raw slab of beef).

More reasons why this movie sucks...... too much heavy breathing.no jokes (they're situation is ridiculous, they could really use some comedic relief every now and then). Kristen Stewart makes this face for the length of the whole movie. Lastly, the dialogue is waay to serious for me to keep a straight face. You're not fooling me, Twilight.

THIS IS IT ENCORE!!! ENCORE!!!!!!!! O wait.. Shit. That's not quite possible is it. (too soon?) This film was basically just rehearsal footage from Michael's final tour and DAMN did he have his shit together. He basically pulled together some of the most talented dancers, techs, and musicians to create a... I don't even think you could call it a show. A SPECTACULAR! Yes that's it! A SPECTACULAR!I'm talking some serious pyrotechnics. Needless to say, I'm very sad Michael has left us because he was a GENIOUS musician and artist and had some serious vision. If you have any appreciation for live performances, check this one out.... even though.. it's not really live anymore is it?

So Sue Me

I'm tired of hiding. I want nothing more than to utilize 2010 as a year of letting go of my insecurities and fully embracing just exactly who Goldie Hammerhead Locks is. That means first and foremost. My name is Laurel. Building upon that thought, I've decided to share some of my guilty pleasures and not so glorious quirks with you all. Things that I might not be incredibly proud of but am coming to terms with. Most of these disclosures will not increase my sex appeal. They will not make me any money. I am doing it for the pure joy of exposing my akwardness in hopes that you, dearest reader, might be able to do so as well. So here we go.

I like Britney Spears. Yea.. I fucking do. Bitch taught me how to dance. I thought the music video for I'm A Slave For You was brilliant. I want that outfit and those same people breathing heavily on me for a dance number or two. Britney. I don't give a damn if your crazy boo. You're still my homegirl. WAAAAHHHHH!!! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!

I pick my nose. All the time. Don't care if you're watching.

Sometimes I talk too fast and either stutter or slur my words. It makes me sound like an asshole but we all do it. Word Vomit! Yes that's it. I can't sound like a freeking genious all the time can I? A friend once referred to me as MC Cleverwords because, in truth, I am a simple person with simple thoughts. Trying to dress those thoughts up in lavish language just gets me all tongue tied. Damn it. I just did it again....

R&B songs are my jams!!!!!!!!! Seriously. In the past I've tried to stay away from popular music such as R&B but ever since this whole hip hop crew started I've been feeling it. I've found that dancing to music changes my whole perspective on certain songs. Yea give me that deep base beat and soulful chorus line. YEEEEAAHHH that shit's my jam! Oh yeah, gotta throw in my boy Prince too. I sing Little Red Corvette in the car all the time. I could listen to any of his albums all day every day. Probably wouldn't get much done though.. Too much dancing..That's baby making music right there...mmm He's sexual and violent.

In most cases I will not give boys in tight/girl pants the time of day. I just feel like there's a block there where we couldn't possibly be on the same level of understanding. You know... maybe I'm too daft to get it or I'm missing something.. It's just ... ehhh. Can't do it yet...AND I'm a big advocate of increasing circulation and I just feel like they're working against my cause, man (Must mention I am working towards a massage therapy license). Someday, perhaps these boys and I will see eye to eye. Until then... ehh.

Sausage weirds me out. Normal sausage, vegan sausage, veg whatevs. I can't stand it and Timber loves the shit. Bleah.

I haven't voted in I don't know how long. I am part of apathetic America! It makes me sad but at the same time... would it even matter? Can the lead singer of UB40 run for president? Then maybe I'll vote. Other than that.. PUPPETS! Masses of puppets. They chore me out and I have more important things to do like..... well.. I'll get back to you on that one..

That's all for now. I'm sleepy. Goodnight.