Psycho City- Population, Me.

All evidence points to one clear and definite adjective to describe the Hammerhead.. Psycho.

Yea that's me. Let me explain to you how I've come to this realization. Or actually, allow me to tell you in a haiku because as I laughed/kicked myself the next morning I realized such insanity should only be put back together in poetic form. Otherwise, I fear, it's just too pathetic for words.

Hump Day with the ladies

Four Loko, Whiskey, and all things crazy

Invited to a rap show.

Cute boy, in my opinion.

Forgot to eat dinner, Did not forget to drink more.

Dancing asses off.

A broken bra (from dancing)

Hitting on cute boy hard.

Boy says "I have a girlfriend"

Akward Turtle

Stubborn Hammerhead stumbles out.

Kind of regretting calling him out.

FML.

So what makes most of this so akward is that boy is an employee at my local grocery store. God Damn it..... I'm seeing a pattern here. An announcement for my friends out there - if you see me approaching any more Trader Joe employees knock me out with a two by four before I open my mouth cus I'm thinking my luck isn't running too strong there. THANKS.

PATRIOTISM!!!!! BEER!!!!! BIKINIS!!!!! CRACK!!

Hey all. How the hell are you today? Are you stoked on life?!?!? On sunshine!?! On crack?!?!MMM??!??!? You know I was going to a go a completely different direction there but ended up googling "on crack" and guess who's lovely face showed. Yes, dearest Amy is at it again. Crimeny I'm glad I'm not a celebrity. Girlfriend's got so many people riding her ass how could she not do crack? There's nothing else left to do! Oh yea, well...... you could maybe go.... to..... rehab..?? mm? Food for thought.

Moving on.

Why this weekend already is blowing my mind: my inner patriot shall roam free by bike, by water, and by foot. Sheer heathenry will be unleashed upon my quaint hometown of Redding, CA. Can you handle the heat Redding!!?!?! Or I guess a better question is, can we Oregon ladies handle Redding's heat? Fucking 106 degrees! Are you serious? I've been turning the fan on when we peak at 80 up here. Jeepers, I'm sweating already just thinking about it. However the outcome, I will be pleased if I can return to the green state looking slightly less pale and slightly more ravaged from an incredible weekend.

There will be....... THIS!!!!!!!!The Sevylor Mesh River Tube 3000! Complete with backrest, 2 Fucking cupholders!, and my personal favorite Snap and Stay feature to be able to hang with friends! I totally just stepped up my 4th of July plans by purchasing this bad boy. And what of Gummy!? Yes Gummy my beloved alligator that got my lovely ass down the Truckee River for a week straight last summer. He's coming too.. If not for anyone's transportation than for my own personal enjoyment and his veteran voyage. Love you Gummy, my man.
What is more, is that rafting the ole sacapatatoes river is happening the day BEFORE the 4th so I can build my patriotic fever all day long saturday with four lokos, and sun, and gummy and then spew it all out (I mean get reallly fucking patriotic on the 4th). What this means : I will be wearing my American flag bikini top and will be quoting famous presidents and Team America all day long. (FUCK YEA!) I will be hanging with the highest concentration of lady sharks since... I don't even know when. We got Hammerhead, Threshies, Angel Shark, Bull Shark, Frilled Shark, and Great White will be out there driftin on Shasta Lake. Things might erupt... Like Mt. Shasta cus it's so close and all.
Adding to the madness will be my cousin Eden. Thank god. She is fanastic. We've barely been together since the days she used to pinch me and tell me I was the boy when we would play house, but hey, I like her attitude. Girl gives off some shark vibes. I'll let you know about that one... And my broja! And his new girlfriend. This should be fantastic.

To summarize this lump of crap garbage I've just barfed all over you, I'm going to Redding this weekend with my girls. We're gonna raft down the river, bike to the bars, watch some fireworks, and probably attack things. You've been warned Dirty 530.

Apparently it's Shark Week

A much awaited and highly popular series aired on the Discovery Channel is set to continue in August. SHARK WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Yea, well what the producers of shark week haven't been told is that Portland Fucking Oregon is blowing up as we speak!!! For the safety of all males out there, I fear your chance to run has come and passed(swim faster!!! much faster!!!). And really, who is bothering with the safety of males these days anyway? (Cruel and sexist, I know. MUAHHAHA) But seriously, this blitzkrieg has suprised even us (Shark Circuit of Portland), and we apologize, wait.... no we don't.

A much feared and precious creature has come into her sharking skin. Kathleen (whom I've warned you of before) has settled into her dorsal fin and multiple layers of flesh shredding teeth. She is Bull Shark. Wikipedia reads, "The bull shark is well known for its unpredictable, often aggressive behavior. Since bull sharks often dwell in shallow waters, they may be more dangerous to humans than any other species of shark,[1] and, along with tiger sharks and great white sharks, are among the three shark species most likely to attack humans.[2]".

Fucking. terrifying.

In regards to the others, our fair friend Jenna is cruising the soft shore line these days as well. Her alias is yet to be determined due to the fact that her attack style and pattern is still quite an enigma. I'll keep you posted on this one.

So far we've decieded that "mega mouth" doesn't have the right ring to it. Though it is hilarious in context and look how damn cute this thing is.

Now you might be asking yourself, "what of the other sharks?" Ha! Well. I'm glad you asked. Great White Eversole has shark attacked in Santa Cruz, CA and is still.... wait... what... still attacking the same prey!??!?! What is this? How does this man have any limbs left?! I haven't seen it myself but I've heard there's carnage. Wow. I'm looking forward to meeting this brave man 4th of July weekend.

And Thresher.. don't even get me started. HAHAH awesome. I wanted to type "started" but started typing "shark" and it came out "sharted". LMAO okay sorry I digress.....Thresher is a holy heathen and has taken on the responsibility of terrorizing San Diego, CA for the week. Sorry there was no warning San Diego, but the damage has been done. Or so I hear through a wall of text messages I have recieved giving me play by play details. Thanks Threshies. I love to live vicariously through you. haha. sad.

Why is hammerhead sad? Because hammerhead got drunk on wednesday and attacked a piece of meat that smelled like Patchoulli. Waahhhhhh. Wish I remember what he looked like cus Mr. Born 5 Decades too late want's to take me out to get some hummus. HUMMMUS!!!! wtf.

Everything is okay in Big Sur.

Nostalgia struck me hard today, rolled in like clouds and rained on my parade. Sitting on a hardwood floor thumbing through artwork, I was taken back to Big Sur. For those who know this place, know ecstasy. I am back on my mountain with all of my friends watching the sunset where the west coast comes to an end. On top of the world above the cloudline, feeling your soul sink into the sublime. I miss this home, I miss the dirt that cakes onto your hands, sleeping bag, and your shirt. That is, if you're wearing one...because most often than not you'll be throwing off clothes once you get to the top. I can still smell the whiskey on our breath, feel the wind in my dreads from riding on the top of the beast, and the stab of hitch hikers in my bare feet. Goddess parties, topless in the trees, crying, laughing, drunk on eachother's company. Dancing on the roof, Red Stripes and cigars for breakfast, beer showers, and sunburns. It's all there. It's just me that's not. When I die, throw me off a cliff in Big Sur to rot.

Porch Sittin

Mmm. yessss.. The weather is getting just right now for comfortably reclinin on the ole porche and reading myself a book, or in this case, bloggering. Yesterday afternoon Timber and I took it upon ourselves to embibe a glass of wine and dive into some literary pursuits.

My personal conquest, has been a work in progress....... for the last 3 years! It's a 2097 page beast about the culmination of mankind, our planet, our universe, and beyond. Clearly not light reading. And since Mercury is in retrograde (a revisiting of communication, transportation, education, etc) I decided to revisit The Urantia Papers. I have a plan of finishing this book sometime mid year 2012. My father insisted that I read the entirety of this book before I die (I'm on page 725) so I took his word for it and have been gnawing off huge chunks of it ever since. Heaven help me finish this fucking book someday... Oh HAI Master Universe....

Moreover, another nice addition to our porch sittin has been the adoption of Nature, the cat. Or rather, Nature has adopted us. He is the cutest thing ever. His name tag says "Ranger" but I find that to be a retarded name for a cat. Our roommate, Brian, thought we said his name was "Nature" so there you have it. Nature insists that he lives with us, always running into our house and whatnot. I'm willing to play along for now....

I'm hoping all this wonderful lounging going on outside will inspire some more rhymes. Gotsta be getting on my A-game. I've been feeling a wave of creativity starting to flow over me these past few weeks. VENUS IS BACK MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breakfast Remix

Hey all. Feeling slightly under the weather today due to last night's Carlo Rossi binge with my ladies. After revisiting my breakfast, I felt inspired to blog about much nicer things like some of my favorite Portland establishments and vendors. So here we go.

Vendors

Antic- Why is he sooooo cool? Antic is a locally based artist who pretty much pops out little gems on American Apparel shirts. Fucking golden. He's got a store in NE PDX as well as a booth at the Saturday Market. Recently he's been printing his designs on these fantastic underwears from Seattle. I want them. Anywho, if you're interested you can check his website out at http://www.anticink.com/. Not only does he have Premades available but will also do custom (CUSTTTOOOMM!!**$$$##$$!!) prints on whatever you fucking want. He's pretty easy on the eyes too, if I do say so myself.

Next up.

Courtney is a Seahorse- Effing love her. The first time I found her booth at the Saturday Market I walked by and had to pull a double take. So much rainbow bursting with feathers and gem stones. Basically everything I could ever want in a fashion designer. It's incredible really, how she takes really subtle earthy tones and throws some iridescence on that shit and POW! a masterpiece. I'm having a hard time getting over my new feather hair thing from her. And plus, she seems to be a really cool girl. Anywho, I applaud her efforts because her booth's got me coming back for more. I demand that you visit her website http://www.courtneyisaseahorse.com/

Note! Courtney also does clothes and hair pins. *flutter*

Restaurants

Jam on Hawthorne- So bomb. This establishment is cool and everyone knows it so you're going to have to wait outside. But it's cool cus there's coffee out there and hopefully some sunshines. The real kicker is once you get in, their breakfast cocktail selection is pure magic. So many kinds of mamosas and bloody marys, you'll spend most of your time looking at this part of the menu. Whatever you order food wise, will probably be quality as well. Overall, shit is worth the wait.

The Doug Fir- Reasons why I like this place- the food is pretty damn good, the prices are reasonable, there is always good music downstairs, and the wait staff is pretty attractive. Oh, and their water is good which sounds stupid but trust me. It's better than other water. I also have a soft place in my heart for the Doug Fir because it was here that I snuck in underage to a Subtle show and got to meet the very sexy and very kind, Dose One. *sigh* Only draw back to this place is the seemingly blank men standing at the door checkng ids. They don't have a sense of humor, and that's not their fault I guess.

So I had every intention of commenting on some of my favorite Stumptown bars earlier but it's come to my attention that this blog is starting to resemble a novel (blovel if you will) and that just won't do. Plus, breakfast remix has really slowed me down quite a bit and has got me slightly less inspired to talk about alcohol. So fair thee well as I try to shake off this feeling because honestly, right now I feel like a bag of dicks. THANKS!

I use the word "artist" loosely.

I am stepping down from EVER using oil paints. Before, when I had time and then will to try, I produced a few gems with oils. But now, now my oil paintings are started and then sit there for months on end begging to be finished. I just can't do it anymore captain!

Today I was feeling an artistic buzz. I picked up my guitar and learned "Transatlanticism", I wrote a few rhyming verses, I even started blogging. But then, I had to go and try to paint. This painting that has been unfinished in my room for months is now FUCKING HORRID because I got a wild hair up my ass and had to do something to it. After putting in a few strokes I thought, "Wow. Oil painting is just not for me anymore. But shit.... I have all this fricken oil paint... Maybe I should just throw all of it on this canvas at the same time and be done with it all." (Insert crazy evil laugh here).

So I did that and I feel worse than I felt before about just leaving it there. Holy crap. I don't think people are going to know whether I was painting or puking... Oh well.. Cover it up with more paint in a month or so I suppose.. Now it's into the shower so I can meet my ladies at the Clinton Street Pub and forget about the abomination sitting in my bedroom.

Did we share a moment?

Today was the last day of Timber's mother and co. visiting so we decided to take them to Saturday Market. It was a beautiful morning really. The sun was out, I woke up without a hangover (usually unheard of on Sundays), and I was feeling real nice about the situation overall. After a rather profound palm reading from the lovely Maria (almost cried), Leen, Timber, and myself decided to grab a huge beer and enjoy some UVs. Everything was peachy until...... Creepy Mark!

It starts like this.... My ladies and I are standing there in the middle of the market and all of a sudden a late 40's early 50ish bloke comes over and stands in our huddle. We look on confused as he introduces himself "Hi. I'm Mark".

All together now, "Hi Mark." Us=Looking. Blinking. Confused.

Mark turns to yours truly, slowly bringing his hand up to cup him man boob and says, "Hey. I'm sorry but did we share a moment back there a few minutes ago?"

Horror. "No. We did not".

Mark seemed suprised. I don't quite know what he might have had in mind for the chemistry between the two of us but it makes me kind of nauseas. Leen made a good point when she said "just because we are of legal drinking age, does not nessecarily make us fair game". Well said. When you resemble the guy below, but your smirk is creepier and your picking up on girls that could be your daughters age at a street fair, there's a good chance we won't be hitting it off. Sowwy.

Why today is so terrifying.

This One.

This is Leen. AKA Pooter. Today she turns 21. She may look like a nice girl. All sugar and spice and everything nice. Like here.....
But under that facade of seemingly girl next door demeanor, there is a rampant and wild she wolf cheetah waiting for that 5th shot of tequila that will unleash the beast. I'm pretty sure she's made out of some viscious desert carnivore, electric fence, and a bit of David Bowie. Look at that smirk. It's saying "Danger! I will break everything and everyone the day I'm allowed into a bar."

Terrifying.

Consider yourself warned Planet Earth.

Because some things aren't so awesome

March 27 marked the 6th year anniversary of the death of my friend Alicia Rose Davis. Alicia was a young, hilarious, and charismatic girl who left us too soon. My most fond memories of her are dominated by laughter. What to learn from Alicia's accident... Don't drive with idiots, wear a seatbelt, and hug your friends.

Rest in Peace funny girl.

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz

So I was busy this weekend....

Several things on the agenda today...


This weekend I attended The Foundation Breakdance Battle at Bossanova. It was siiiiick. Push Jones got to perform and were even later complimented by the judge and former contestant of America's Best Dance Crew, Do-Knock. Turns out he's a fun guy to party with as well. After having a couple drinks at the battle me, some of the Push ladies, and Do-Knock mosied up the road to The Report for the after party. My heavens.... So many breakdancing people. Twixxx of the Massive Monkey's made an appearance (also from ABDC). After several whiskey/cokes I pulled out my favorite MC Hammer dance move in front of the hip hop professionals. If you're unsure what that looks like, watch this...I am such an idiot sometimes... Day 2 of Foundation was pretty decent too with my duties including PROMOTIONS! Some people scream and run away in fear and the first mention of doing promotion work. I on the other hand love to make an ass of myself in public and talk to large groups of people so I accepted the offer with open arms. That day I was promoting workshop a with Do-Knock and Twixx at my lovely home studio Vega Dance Lab the following day. I made sure everyone who even looked close to being able to dance recieved a flyer :) I found the best strategy if people tried to give the flyers back to was to drop my arms and insist that I had none. Muhahahaha. I'm evil. And uh.. New Push Jones poster by my choreographer's husband, Joe. So cool.

I actually ended up going to that workshop and it was kick ass. When I say kick ass I mean it kicked my ass. Today I am brandishing bruises and sore muscles. Apparently Do-Knock is a beast when it comes to choreography and it turned out to be most welcome. I was pushed. It was good. FEEL THE BURN! Twixxx ended up teaching a sort of freestyle workshop on how to jump into dance circles. I feel like I've always been pretty comfortable with this. My issue is getting some new material. The hammer can only take me so far, right? By the end of the class, I was exhausted but soo happy to have gone and been able to experience the talent these two dudes have to offer, let alone their kindess. Good people. Here's a video of them both. Be impressed.

Me Lucky Charms

Today is St. Patricks Day. A day that is usually one of my favorite holidays, honoring my Irish heritage. Unfortunately, I am required to drive Timber to the airport at 5 a.m. tommorow morning and also show up to work in Vancouver at 9. Damn it. They're always after me lucky charms.


Oh yea.... And last night I had a dream that all my teeth were falling out. That can't be good.....

Happy Birthday Jenna!

Attention! All mothers, lock up your sons! Fiesty Dyste has turned 21! To reign in the fruition of Jenna's hour the wolf pack (the legal sort) hit up the Bear Paw, a local Brooklyn dive. Much fun was had, Jenna was clearly hammered, and that was that. Jenna I would raise my glass to you again my dear but I have given up drinking, until next weekend.

High Five Universe!

AND SUDDENLY THE COSMOS HAVE ALIGNED TO EXCITE AND EXHAUST MY MENTAL AND PHYSICAL BEING! These next 2 weeks are looking to be filled to the brim with people, places, and things all coming together to drink and be merry. I am balls to the wall stoked about the festivities to follow and also fearful for my physical wellness.
My body recently has been saying many things to me recently...

Right shoulder: "You know, I do so fucking much for you and you don't even have the decency to stretch me properly before rigorous activity. I might fall off sooner or later. Would you even care, Hammerhead?"
Right knee: "Don't think I won't dislocate for the tenth time... Dancing in boots.... Not cool"
Liver: "HEEEEEEElllLPpppPp MEEEeee!!"

BUT FUCK IT! This weekend is going to be kickass and I'm young and resiliant! We've got company coming into town, a keg at my place on friday, and a Push Jones performance for Fashionation in Hood River. All of this hopefully preparing me for the next coming weekend where I will be in LA HONDA, SANTA CRUZ, and SAN FRANCISCO(maybe SF)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's something so infinitely beautiful about tons of people you enjoy coming together in one place to celebrate. I get high on that shit. HIGH FIVE!

Happy early birthday to me.

Oh Monday, how you've made a turn for the better. Today at work was a bit rough seeing as though my client's house was a disaster when I showed up (p.s. I'm a house keeper). I only had 4 hours to turn the house around too so it was a bit stressful. I didn't even have a moment to eat a banana (shame). Thankfully, my ever so understanding boss came to help me and we finished 45 minutes late. Not too bad but not my best.
So I'm driving home and then it strikes me.. "SHIT! I have to buy my Sasquatch Music Festival ticket tonight to get the most reasonable price on a 3 day pass!" So I rushed home tired but excited to make my purchase. Thankfully, Timber J is home (eating a salad ofcourse) and informs me that her and Leen have already bought their passes. I must buy mine IMMEDIATELY then! So I dish out the $187.00 scrillas even though I don't get paid til Friday. Prices will continue to increase after the release of the lineup tonight though so better now than later. Those bastards at Sasquatch just wanted to see how badly I wanted it. I know it... Closing such a deal on a Monday and not a Friday.BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I will take the hit and consider this an early birthday present to myself. The last festival ticket I recieved as a birthday gift was an absolute success (Outside Lands 2008) AMAZING. I'm still dragging my jaw from seeing Radiohead perform live.
So here I am, the proud owner of a Sasquatch ticket. You might be asking yourself, "Well who the hell is playing then?" Haha. Funny you ask that. I don't know yet. Does that sound stupid? Why buy a 3 day festival ticket when the lineup could potentially (hopefully not) be pure rubbish?...

Cus I'm an asshole that's why!



What I'm really looking forward to is running around in a bathing suit all day long with my wonderful friends (3 confirmed as of right now), camping, drinking all day long, sweating in the sun, seeing bands that I'm stoked on, seeing bands that I mildly care for, seeing bands that I've never heard of, taking in the Gorge, being ridiculous, and dancing wildly. If nothing else, it will be the most expensive view of the Columbia River that I have invested in as of yet.

Furthermore, the lineup comes out tonight and I'm pumped to see what kind of mystery bag I've dug my little hand into. I'm hoping for some MGMT, Radiohead (would love to see them again. best concert EVER!), Temper Trap, Kings of Leon, Animal Collective, Bon Iver, The Avett Brothers, Mos Def, NIN, Broken Social Scene, Why?, Micheal Franti (another very very awesome live performer), Andrew Bird, Beirut, etc. Just to name a few from festivals I've seen before or were included in the lineup last year. C'mon May! Where you at!?!?!?!

Wisdom is knowing when to shup up.

I am an asshole. I don't know if it's the long work days, anxiety, jealousy, who knows. Regardless, I've been a total jerk off to one of the people I care most about. I am passive aggressive, frusterated, and harsh when it comes to situations that I am uncomfortable with. When I am confronted with tension my first reaction is to wait it out. I am still waiting. She is still mad at me. The reason being because somewhere subconsciously I am projecting my own insecurties and frusterations onto my best friend who in reality, probably has enough of her own to deal with. Damn it...How to fix this? Can we look like this again soon, please?

Sunday Funday

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.- Rachel Carson

For the past several weeks, Timber and I have been taking hikes pretty much whenever possible. The area surrounding Portland kicks ass for outdoor exploration. Today we rallied the troops and headed out to Horsetail Falls along the Columbia Gorge. Twas glorious. Not to mention the added bonus of having 7 beautiful people and 1 kick ass hound as company for the ascent. I really suggest making this hike at some point if you live in the Portland area. There are waterfalls per every 5 minutes of walking, great vistas, and tons of places to sit down and have lunch or smoke weed. Just sayin. There is really nothing greater than getting out into the forest with your favorites. It's like a playground for everyone! The boys took off on a man adventure (climbing things, crossing things, throwing things) as to be expected and myself and the other lady wolves took off for a goddess party (sitting on a rock). The hike would have been absolutely flawless if there handn't been a choreful woman and her yappy terrible dog yelling at us every 10 minutes to put our beast back on the leash. Our group pretty much decided that just because her dog sucks doesn't necessitate us having to put Bruce back on leash. He has earned his free time by being cordial, pleasant to all, and loyal. Let the dogs run free!!!!!!!!!

All good things are wild and free.- Henry David Thoreau

www.whatthefuckdididolastnight.com

My prophesy has materialized. I 100% feel like death and I'm pretty certain I look worse than that little piggy picture on that last blog. Upon entering the warehouse last night my psychic sense once again kicked in and I knew 3 things for certain 1. Timber Jenny will be bleeding at some point tonight. 2. This big ole stamp on my hand will be on my forehead by tommorow morning. and 3. I have a lot of beer. And now here I am stamp on my oh so pounding and miserable head. I have no choice but to turn my good faith to the bottle of Lenoltec (caffiene, codiene, and acetominophen) that Great White smuggled back from Canada. It's really God's gift to earth in situations like these. In fact. Let's review the situation at hand shall we....






Oh shit whoops.. Wrong situation....

My Situation (please refer to footnotes): Went to a warehouse party last night. Drank a considerable amount of beer. Hung out with my most awesome wolfpack crew of friends (1). Danced to Motown. Drank more beer. Swung around on the dance floor swing for a hot second. Laughed my ass off at Timber when she comes to me with bleeding hands(2). Ran the kissing booth for the good part of an hour (wtf?*3*!!&). Went to my friend Stefanyes's (Stefanmaybe? Stefano? Stefanprobably not? Stefanhellno?) as to accompany two ladies who wouldn't have felt comfortable going alone. P.S. You fucking owe me dude. I ate a grilled cheese sandwich(4). Called his toolbar floormate out for being a misogynist a-hole. Showed him the door. Accepted his apology when he came back. Showed him the door again because he really was just a woman hating douche bag. Fell asleep on the only rug in the apartment under Stefanprobablynot's Carhart jacket, one leg slipped through an armhole at approximately 4:30 a.m. Considered farting in the hood just to spite him(5). Went to sleep instead. Woke up at 6:30 a.m. to get a ride back home. Went back to fucking bed.

Footnotes
1. They really are frickin awesome. I'm pretty sure I kissed a good portion of them last night.
2. Girlfriend fell on her ass somehow and managed to scrape the shit out of her hand. LMAO. Her description of it was "like sliding into home base." Incredible. Fucking incredible.
3. Don't ask me, why or how, but somehow I got into the kissing booth. Now my rational self would say "Hammerhead.... you are not heading home right now and you are WAY past hammered...what's the deal? There is a reason why you head home at night when you're hammered.. CUS YOU'RE A FUCKING WEREWOLF BEAST!!!!!!!" We all know now that the rational self was out to lunch last night. I'm pretty sure I kissed upwards of 20 people. Mostly of the female persuasion. Some girls a little longer than others because they smelled like cinnamon and tasted like mint but other than those few I kept the lips in an innocent pucker. JEEEZE I am ridiculous. But hey... I made three dollars.....
4. It was delicious.
5. Don't judge me, if you knew him you probably would want to fart in his hood too.

In light of my behavior last night, we can all say that it was a full moon, more specifically The Wolf Moon. And if you didn't know, not only do I belong to a society of sharks, but a pack of wolves. Thus the "landshark seawolf" title and thus, my comical behavior on such a epic lunar occurance. The crazies did come out. I was one of those crazies. I also might mention that I look like this....

Irresponsibilty at it's finest

People! It's Friday, Sabbath of the Party Gods. Any hint of exhaustion I might have experienced from today's long list of work and chores has vanished in a cloud of excitement and high hopes for this evenings events. Half of this newly fueled energy also being attributed to my rambuctious other half Timber Jenny because she is fucking stoked on life right now. I got home about 20 minutes ago and the woman will not stop talking to me about her latest ventures (those from last night).She is definitely breaking out of her shell a bit. Girlfriend is networking up a storm in SW Portland. The girl is finding new friends left and right. She's making me look like a freeking amatuer when it comes to socializing. All is well though, because in all honesty (haha Sarah), if Ole Ankle Weights finds a friend, automatically I make a friend. It's just one characteristic of our hetero life mate dynamic. Awesome.

Aside from all other kinds of awesome we have been invited to a warehouse party in NW tonight. What does this mean you might ask? It means we're going balls to wall in celebration of our glorious roommate Dan's friend Ashley's birthday. Wow. That was a mouth full but a welcome mouth full none the less. Rest assured I will have a mouth full of whiskey tonight if I play my cards right. Ahh alas! I've just been informed that a full moon is upon us and we all know what happens when there is a full moon. The crazies (crazys? CRAYZEES? sp?) come out.I will be one of those crazies. Timber Jenny will definitely be one of those crazies. And with any luck, we will look like this tommorow morning.