Apparently it's Shark Week

A much awaited and highly popular series aired on the Discovery Channel is set to continue in August. SHARK WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Yea, well what the producers of shark week haven't been told is that Portland Fucking Oregon is blowing up as we speak!!! For the safety of all males out there, I fear your chance to run has come and passed(swim faster!!! much faster!!!). And really, who is bothering with the safety of males these days anyway? (Cruel and sexist, I know. MUAHHAHA) But seriously, this blitzkrieg has suprised even us (Shark Circuit of Portland), and we apologize, wait.... no we don't.

A much feared and precious creature has come into her sharking skin. Kathleen (whom I've warned you of before) has settled into her dorsal fin and multiple layers of flesh shredding teeth. She is Bull Shark. Wikipedia reads, "The bull shark is well known for its unpredictable, often aggressive behavior. Since bull sharks often dwell in shallow waters, they may be more dangerous to humans than any other species of shark,[1] and, along with tiger sharks and great white sharks, are among the three shark species most likely to attack humans.[2]".

Fucking. terrifying.

In regards to the others, our fair friend Jenna is cruising the soft shore line these days as well. Her alias is yet to be determined due to the fact that her attack style and pattern is still quite an enigma. I'll keep you posted on this one.

So far we've decieded that "mega mouth" doesn't have the right ring to it. Though it is hilarious in context and look how damn cute this thing is.

Now you might be asking yourself, "what of the other sharks?" Ha! Well. I'm glad you asked. Great White Eversole has shark attacked in Santa Cruz, CA and is still.... wait... what... still attacking the same prey!??!?! What is this? How does this man have any limbs left?! I haven't seen it myself but I've heard there's carnage. Wow. I'm looking forward to meeting this brave man 4th of July weekend.

And Thresher.. don't even get me started. HAHAH awesome. I wanted to type "started" but started typing "shark" and it came out "sharted". LMAO okay sorry I digress.....Thresher is a holy heathen and has taken on the responsibility of terrorizing San Diego, CA for the week. Sorry there was no warning San Diego, but the damage has been done. Or so I hear through a wall of text messages I have recieved giving me play by play details. Thanks Threshies. I love to live vicariously through you. haha. sad.

Why is hammerhead sad? Because hammerhead got drunk on wednesday and attacked a piece of meat that smelled like Patchoulli. Waahhhhhh. Wish I remember what he looked like cus Mr. Born 5 Decades too late want's to take me out to get some hummus. HUMMMUS!!!! wtf.