Apparently it's Shark Week

A much awaited and highly popular series aired on the Discovery Channel is set to continue in August. SHARK WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Yea, well what the producers of shark week haven't been told is that Portland Fucking Oregon is blowing up as we speak!!! For the safety of all males out there, I fear your chance to run has come and passed(swim faster!!! much faster!!!). And really, who is bothering with the safety of males these days anyway? (Cruel and sexist, I know. MUAHHAHA) But seriously, this blitzkrieg has suprised even us (Shark Circuit of Portland), and we apologize, wait.... no we don't.

A much feared and precious creature has come into her sharking skin. Kathleen (whom I've warned you of before) has settled into her dorsal fin and multiple layers of flesh shredding teeth. She is Bull Shark. Wikipedia reads, "The bull shark is well known for its unpredictable, often aggressive behavior. Since bull sharks often dwell in shallow waters, they may be more dangerous to humans than any other species of shark,[1] and, along with tiger sharks and great white sharks, are among the three shark species most likely to attack humans.[2]".

Fucking. terrifying.

In regards to the others, our fair friend Jenna is cruising the soft shore line these days as well. Her alias is yet to be determined due to the fact that her attack style and pattern is still quite an enigma. I'll keep you posted on this one.

So far we've decieded that "mega mouth" doesn't have the right ring to it. Though it is hilarious in context and look how damn cute this thing is.

Now you might be asking yourself, "what of the other sharks?" Ha! Well. I'm glad you asked. Great White Eversole has shark attacked in Santa Cruz, CA and is still.... wait... what... still attacking the same prey!??!?! What is this? How does this man have any limbs left?! I haven't seen it myself but I've heard there's carnage. Wow. I'm looking forward to meeting this brave man 4th of July weekend.

And Thresher.. don't even get me started. HAHAH awesome. I wanted to type "started" but started typing "shark" and it came out "sharted". LMAO okay sorry I digress.....Thresher is a holy heathen and has taken on the responsibility of terrorizing San Diego, CA for the week. Sorry there was no warning San Diego, but the damage has been done. Or so I hear through a wall of text messages I have recieved giving me play by play details. Thanks Threshies. I love to live vicariously through you. haha. sad.

Why is hammerhead sad? Because hammerhead got drunk on wednesday and attacked a piece of meat that smelled like Patchoulli. Waahhhhhh. Wish I remember what he looked like cus Mr. Born 5 Decades too late want's to take me out to get some hummus. HUMMMUS!!!! wtf.

Where is my easy button!?!?!??!

Today I was clumsy. I blame gravitational flux! It's the only credible excuse I could have for breaking two items in my client's house in a 3 hour period. My boss is unimpressed. Though she did give me the benefit of the doubt by saying that "many people have been breaking things this week." ALAS! My cop out. It's frickin earth flux maaaan. Sadly, I didn't find enough strength in this argument to text this to her, or rather, I did but didn't want to be "that crazy hippy girl" at work. Whatever, the poles are switching and I'm feeling it.

Moving on...

Tommorow I board an airplane to Oakland. Oaklandazyulasym for all you Why? fans out there. Hopefully this trip will be lovely. I'm thinking good friends, Santa Cruz, maybe some tanning (Lord knows I need it), relaxation, perhaps a little romance. I figured since I laughed out loud at this I should probably share it with you as well... I digress...
The fact of the matter is, is that I should be more excited/stoked/bouncing off the wall right now but I'm more scared than anything. I had mentioned in an earlier blog that I have been having weird feelings. Well. They're still here. The kind that makes me wonder if going to La Honda is a good idea. Santa Cruz, duh, obviously that's a good idea. But La Honda is seeming more and more a call for confrontation. Either I will be courageous and spill all the words that get caught up in my throat everytime I see him or.... I will remain silent and cowardly. Neither of which are sounding easy. And this is supposed to be my vacation DAMN IT! WHERE IS MY EASY BUTTON!?!?!?!?! Ah yes... there it is...

I was reading "All About Love" by Bell Hooks the other day- A gem from my roommate Cassie's collection- and came to ponder on the thought of loving without fear of rejection. It's sooo noble sounding! I want to be that. I'm realizing that I need to make a call very soon and I'm leaning towards getting my ass handed to me by love rather than keeping my mouth closed like a polite little lady. Say a little prayer for me tonight, will you?
All image cred- Deviantart.com

28 Days Later

The 1
Big Sur

I'm going to California. Bought my plane ticket today. Soon enough I will be balls deep in vacation, cruising down the 1 with my beautiful friend, smoking cigs with Martha, and watching the sunset on the ocean, Red Stripe in hand on Pescadero Road. 4 months have passed since I've been to the Bay Area and I can't take it any longer. I need late night wrestling, bottles of wine, movies til I fall asleep, long hair, the scent of soap, redwoods, road trips, Pescadero burritos, The black beast, bare feet, morning greetings, coffee and cocoa puffs with the kitchen crew, APPLE JACKS (see below), did I mention redwoods, cleaning parties, Coyote Hill, Santa Cruz, and BIG FREAKING SUR! Hopefully I'll be able to fit all of this in 5 days.
Upon my arrival I can be sure of one thing, there will be Red Stripe waiting for me right out of the gate. When the time comes to leave I can be sure of one thing, I will try my hardest not to cry and probably fail miserably. Leaving La Honda has proven to be, emotionally, one of the hardest experiences I've had for awhile for several reasons... 1. I'm never quite sure of when I will be back (it's been averaging every 4 months or so)2. I wonder if my efforts are made in vain. and 3. I know that I probably won't be kissing anyone like that for a very very long time (I consider 4 months a very very long time).
So you may be asking yourself, "what the hell hammerhead? why so vague when referencing your romantic life?" In response I can only say that it has been a very very long road of dissapointments and I would hate to taint this one precious bit of amorous sanity that I have, some how, magically retained with this one person. Whether he knows it or not, I miss the shit out of him every day and can only hope that some time in the future, fate would have our paths cross again (for longer than 4 months out of the year). Until then..........
"We will lie under different stars I am where i am and you're where you are"- Trespassers William