My new favorite hobby

To follow up on that last blog, my dear internets, I want to share with you something that has become very dear to my heart.

Sexy texting. YESSS We've got to have more sexts! I want them. Now! NOW DAMNIT.

Whoaskies. Okay sorry. But this has become an activity to really get you through that boring work day. Am I wrong? I mean to be completely honest, I'm a sexting tease (see horrible sexter). I apologize to those of you out there who asked to see a picture of a certain feline and recieved a picture of this

Though I will say what I lack in sexiness I make up for in creativity. And seeing as though I'm a conservative kind of girl (questioning this statement but gonna rock it anyways) I like to sext with those in a light hearted manner. I don't really want to hear about your raging semi but please do go ahead and tell me what kind of Furry animal you would be. That game is fun.
Talk about counter culture. I think I'd be a squirrel....

Disclaimer: As of yet my sexy texts are rated PG and are sent to trusted and reliable friends. I do not condone going spread eagle on your mobile device and sending it to your latest boyfriend. You are setting yourself up for EPIC FAILURE!

ALSO! If sexy texting aint cho thang, the other day I dreamed up a brilliant little nugget. Unsexy texting! Probably just as thrilling and could be slightly less intimidating. Food for unsexy thoughts: "Hey boo, I'm taking a crap and thinking of you". "Damn gurl, this jock itch got me down. fuuuck" Just a few to get you started.

Anyone wanna sexy/unsexy text? I'm kind of bored.

Boys in the Makeup Hood.

This blog is for all the fellas out there who wake up in the morning, get in the shower, brush their, teeth, and then decide that it's a good day to throw on some eyeliner. Yes, those silly boys. As initially turned off I am by this act, I can't help but hoping that maybe someday Glamour Boy might take advantage of me in the throws of some strange and surreal fantasy. Not just any boy in lipstick though. I have my few candidates that I have secretly (or not so secretly) swooned over since the tender age of 10. Case and point Jay Gordon.

If you didn't know, Jay is the lead singer of Orgy. I used to run home from the bus stop every day in elementry school when Blue Monday was on TRL. Just to see his lovely ass glamoring away on the ole boob tube. For the record, Jay you still get me hott in your plastic outfits and fucked up hair dos.

Up next Ville Valo, lead singer of HIM Okay, I'm gonna have to really hand this one over to my sister. She was the original bleeding heart for Valo. I mean, technically I only knew of his existence because of her die hard commitment to listening to their records on repeat (My personal favorite being Razorblade Romance). Regardless of his serious as shit lyrics, the Villmeister can be quite a queen (see Join Me In Death video) leaving me wondering if it's boys he might really be wanting to cut himself with. Yea, bust out your sharp edges people, cus this guy will only have you if you're willing to bleed on an alter of roses and poisonous beverages. Seeing as though that's really not my scene anymore (Jade, I don't think it's yours either) we can sit back and admire from a far, all the while rocking out to Sweet 666 and enjoying UV, flowers, and not dying. P.S Just googled "Boys in makeup" and guess who was the first to pop up. LMAO you slay me Valo.

And at last, a more recent fabulous crush would be Elijah Blue (Or if he had his way Phillips Exeter Blue) of Deadsy and, strikingly enough of Cher. Yes, Cher's baby grew up to be kind of a Baldwin in a weird and sparkley kind of way.

Anywho, I ended up really loving this band, Deadsy. One because their music is kind of awesome (an aquired taste, however), two cus they have this pretty interesting theme going on (see visual appearance on the wiki page), and three because most of their songs reference a dear book and idealogy of mine, Urantia. Even if the book is total crap (obviously not my view) I still think it's awesome that he writes fantastic songs about it. Reading is sexy Blue. Reading is totttallly sexy. Here, I'll leave you with a little video of Deadsy's, because most likely, you've never fucking heard of them.

And to end it right, I wanted to mention a few runners up because they are also, fabulous glitzy glam rock boys.

Marilyn Manson- inspired me to wear heart shaped glasses for a year. God his girlfriend's hott too. Brian Molko of Placebo- Apparently he has a kid? I'm not convinced, but you're hott to me in a creepy way so Ima gonna let that one slide B. Tim Curry at all times. He is sexual, creepy and violent. Kinda turns me on a little bit. OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Look what I found!!!! Brian Molko givin Ville Valo a little smoochy smooch. That's fine by me boys but good luck explaining this to your son, Molko.

This is me in a nut shell. I don't know how I got into this nut shell...

Only a few weeks after Timber Jenny and I moved into our SE abode did we realize that we were not the only tenants of our room. At first, there was the scratching. Tiny reminders now and then that we were not alone. As time went by, the scratching became more frequent, accompanied by the occasional.... I don't know what you call it.... cooing? chirping? whatever.

Now we sit here in absolute certainty knowing that we are fellow tenants to 1 MILLION SQUIRRELS!

We came to this realization last weekend when Timber's mother was visiting. She had befriended a cute little squirrel on our porch which she named, Rocky. Rocky seemed wholesome and innocent, but overly friendly. He had a wheeze and I was curious as to whether he had lung complications. Upon leaving the porch and heading to the second story bathroom Cindy (Timber's mother), heard wheezing at the window..... how peculiar.. And there was Rocky again, wheezing at the window.

Well..... Rocky has pulled a full on BLITZKREIG on our house. 2 weeks ago when exploring the attic for the first time, we found nothing but nut shells. He was toying with us. We are quite sure he and his girlfriend are fornicating in our attic/bedroom walls as I write this. We hear wheezing/chirping/cooing, but much more animated than before. We hear comotion. Furthermore, as our housemate DMLH left the house, he beckoned me outside. On the very tip top point of our house wheezed/chirped/cooed Rocky, triumphantly. He has claimed his dominion. This is the squirly nut house.

Mother fucker better start payin some rent....

Procrastination Station

Hump Day! My day of freedom in the middle of the week where I get to choose what I do and when I will do it. Today could go one of two ways. Scenario numba 1 involves me tackling the huge pile of laundry that has been patiently waiting at the foot of my bed to be put away OR Scenario numba 2 where I attempt to get things done and actually end up following my artistic pursuits and musical wanderings as I navigate around my laundry.

So far the laundry pile is slowly diminishing but it's so hard to get motivated when it takes physical force to hang things in my closet. I have way too many clothes. DAMN YOU FASHION!!!!!! I love you still... My drawers are screaming too. Do I even wear all of these pants? I don't think so.

Currently I am listening to Bon Iver's album For Emma, Forever Ago

You MUST check out this album. I'm not really one for listening to shit on repeat but I will listen to this album on repeat ANY TIME. It's that good. And it harbours a lot of summer memories for me so I guess I have a lot of emotional attachment to this one. Whatever, just listen.

Like I said, I have some artistic pursuits that are calling me. I literally wake up in the morning and this painting is in my face, scowling at me for the lack of love. I guess it's a bit reminescent of summer as well. I'm actually pretty sure the above mentioned album inspired it but I can't bring myself to finish it yet. Bottom line, I need to start painting again. Will today allow it? Perhaps if I stop bloggering.

Happy early birthday to me.

Oh Monday, how you've made a turn for the better. Today at work was a bit rough seeing as though my client's house was a disaster when I showed up (p.s. I'm a house keeper). I only had 4 hours to turn the house around too so it was a bit stressful. I didn't even have a moment to eat a banana (shame). Thankfully, my ever so understanding boss came to help me and we finished 45 minutes late. Not too bad but not my best.
So I'm driving home and then it strikes me.. "SHIT! I have to buy my Sasquatch Music Festival ticket tonight to get the most reasonable price on a 3 day pass!" So I rushed home tired but excited to make my purchase. Thankfully, Timber J is home (eating a salad ofcourse) and informs me that her and Leen have already bought their passes. I must buy mine IMMEDIATELY then! So I dish out the $187.00 scrillas even though I don't get paid til Friday. Prices will continue to increase after the release of the lineup tonight though so better now than later. Those bastards at Sasquatch just wanted to see how badly I wanted it. I know it... Closing such a deal on a Monday and not a Friday.BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I will take the hit and consider this an early birthday present to myself. The last festival ticket I recieved as a birthday gift was an absolute success (Outside Lands 2008) AMAZING. I'm still dragging my jaw from seeing Radiohead perform live.
So here I am, the proud owner of a Sasquatch ticket. You might be asking yourself, "Well who the hell is playing then?" Haha. Funny you ask that. I don't know yet. Does that sound stupid? Why buy a 3 day festival ticket when the lineup could potentially (hopefully not) be pure rubbish?...

Cus I'm an asshole that's why!



What I'm really looking forward to is running around in a bathing suit all day long with my wonderful friends (3 confirmed as of right now), camping, drinking all day long, sweating in the sun, seeing bands that I'm stoked on, seeing bands that I mildly care for, seeing bands that I've never heard of, taking in the Gorge, being ridiculous, and dancing wildly. If nothing else, it will be the most expensive view of the Columbia River that I have invested in as of yet.

Furthermore, the lineup comes out tonight and I'm pumped to see what kind of mystery bag I've dug my little hand into. I'm hoping for some MGMT, Radiohead (would love to see them again. best concert EVER!), Temper Trap, Kings of Leon, Animal Collective, Bon Iver, The Avett Brothers, Mos Def, NIN, Broken Social Scene, Why?, Micheal Franti (another very very awesome live performer), Andrew Bird, Beirut, etc. Just to name a few from festivals I've seen before or were included in the lineup last year. C'mon May! Where you at!?!?!?!

So Sue Me

I'm tired of hiding. I want nothing more than to utilize 2010 as a year of letting go of my insecurities and fully embracing just exactly who Goldie Hammerhead Locks is. That means first and foremost. My name is Laurel. Building upon that thought, I've decided to share some of my guilty pleasures and not so glorious quirks with you all. Things that I might not be incredibly proud of but am coming to terms with. Most of these disclosures will not increase my sex appeal. They will not make me any money. I am doing it for the pure joy of exposing my akwardness in hopes that you, dearest reader, might be able to do so as well. So here we go.

I like Britney Spears. Yea.. I fucking do. Bitch taught me how to dance. I thought the music video for I'm A Slave For You was brilliant. I want that outfit and those same people breathing heavily on me for a dance number or two. Britney. I don't give a damn if your crazy boo. You're still my homegirl. WAAAAHHHHH!!! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!

I pick my nose. All the time. Don't care if you're watching.

Sometimes I talk too fast and either stutter or slur my words. It makes me sound like an asshole but we all do it. Word Vomit! Yes that's it. I can't sound like a freeking genious all the time can I? A friend once referred to me as MC Cleverwords because, in truth, I am a simple person with simple thoughts. Trying to dress those thoughts up in lavish language just gets me all tongue tied. Damn it. I just did it again....

R&B songs are my jams!!!!!!!!! Seriously. In the past I've tried to stay away from popular music such as R&B but ever since this whole hip hop crew started I've been feeling it. I've found that dancing to music changes my whole perspective on certain songs. Yea give me that deep base beat and soulful chorus line. YEEEEAAHHH that shit's my jam! Oh yeah, gotta throw in my boy Prince too. I sing Little Red Corvette in the car all the time. I could listen to any of his albums all day every day. Probably wouldn't get much done though.. Too much dancing..That's baby making music right there...mmm He's sexual and violent.

In most cases I will not give boys in tight/girl pants the time of day. I just feel like there's a block there where we couldn't possibly be on the same level of understanding. You know... maybe I'm too daft to get it or I'm missing something.. It's just ... ehhh. Can't do it yet...AND I'm a big advocate of increasing circulation and I just feel like they're working against my cause, man (Must mention I am working towards a massage therapy license). Someday, perhaps these boys and I will see eye to eye. Until then... ehh.

Sausage weirds me out. Normal sausage, vegan sausage, veg whatevs. I can't stand it and Timber loves the shit. Bleah.

I haven't voted in I don't know how long. I am part of apathetic America! It makes me sad but at the same time... would it even matter? Can the lead singer of UB40 run for president? Then maybe I'll vote. Other than that.. PUPPETS! Masses of puppets. They chore me out and I have more important things to do like..... well.. I'll get back to you on that one..

That's all for now. I'm sleepy. Goodnight.