www.whatthefuckdididolastnight.com

My prophesy has materialized. I 100% feel like death and I'm pretty certain I look worse than that little piggy picture on that last blog. Upon entering the warehouse last night my psychic sense once again kicked in and I knew 3 things for certain 1. Timber Jenny will be bleeding at some point tonight. 2. This big ole stamp on my hand will be on my forehead by tommorow morning. and 3. I have a lot of beer. And now here I am stamp on my oh so pounding and miserable head. I have no choice but to turn my good faith to the bottle of Lenoltec (caffiene, codiene, and acetominophen) that Great White smuggled back from Canada. It's really God's gift to earth in situations like these. In fact. Let's review the situation at hand shall we....






Oh shit whoops.. Wrong situation....

My Situation (please refer to footnotes): Went to a warehouse party last night. Drank a considerable amount of beer. Hung out with my most awesome wolfpack crew of friends (1). Danced to Motown. Drank more beer. Swung around on the dance floor swing for a hot second. Laughed my ass off at Timber when she comes to me with bleeding hands(2). Ran the kissing booth for the good part of an hour (wtf?*3*!!&). Went to my friend Stefanyes's (Stefanmaybe? Stefano? Stefanprobably not? Stefanhellno?) as to accompany two ladies who wouldn't have felt comfortable going alone. P.S. You fucking owe me dude. I ate a grilled cheese sandwich(4). Called his toolbar floormate out for being a misogynist a-hole. Showed him the door. Accepted his apology when he came back. Showed him the door again because he really was just a woman hating douche bag. Fell asleep on the only rug in the apartment under Stefanprobablynot's Carhart jacket, one leg slipped through an armhole at approximately 4:30 a.m. Considered farting in the hood just to spite him(5). Went to sleep instead. Woke up at 6:30 a.m. to get a ride back home. Went back to fucking bed.

Footnotes
1. They really are frickin awesome. I'm pretty sure I kissed a good portion of them last night.
2. Girlfriend fell on her ass somehow and managed to scrape the shit out of her hand. LMAO. Her description of it was "like sliding into home base." Incredible. Fucking incredible.
3. Don't ask me, why or how, but somehow I got into the kissing booth. Now my rational self would say "Hammerhead.... you are not heading home right now and you are WAY past hammered...what's the deal? There is a reason why you head home at night when you're hammered.. CUS YOU'RE A FUCKING WEREWOLF BEAST!!!!!!!" We all know now that the rational self was out to lunch last night. I'm pretty sure I kissed upwards of 20 people. Mostly of the female persuasion. Some girls a little longer than others because they smelled like cinnamon and tasted like mint but other than those few I kept the lips in an innocent pucker. JEEEZE I am ridiculous. But hey... I made three dollars.....
4. It was delicious.
5. Don't judge me, if you knew him you probably would want to fart in his hood too.

In light of my behavior last night, we can all say that it was a full moon, more specifically The Wolf Moon. And if you didn't know, not only do I belong to a society of sharks, but a pack of wolves. Thus the "landshark seawolf" title and thus, my comical behavior on such a epic lunar occurance. The crazies did come out. I was one of those crazies. I also might mention that I look like this....