Sunday Funday

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.- Rachel Carson

For the past several weeks, Timber and I have been taking hikes pretty much whenever possible. The area surrounding Portland kicks ass for outdoor exploration. Today we rallied the troops and headed out to Horsetail Falls along the Columbia Gorge. Twas glorious. Not to mention the added bonus of having 7 beautiful people and 1 kick ass hound as company for the ascent. I really suggest making this hike at some point if you live in the Portland area. There are waterfalls per every 5 minutes of walking, great vistas, and tons of places to sit down and have lunch or smoke weed. Just sayin. There is really nothing greater than getting out into the forest with your favorites. It's like a playground for everyone! The boys took off on a man adventure (climbing things, crossing things, throwing things) as to be expected and myself and the other lady wolves took off for a goddess party (sitting on a rock). The hike would have been absolutely flawless if there handn't been a choreful woman and her yappy terrible dog yelling at us every 10 minutes to put our beast back on the leash. Our group pretty much decided that just because her dog sucks doesn't necessitate us having to put Bruce back on leash. He has earned his free time by being cordial, pleasant to all, and loyal. Let the dogs run free!!!!!!!!!

All good things are wild and free.- Henry David Thoreau

www.whatthefuckdididolastnight.com

My prophesy has materialized. I 100% feel like death and I'm pretty certain I look worse than that little piggy picture on that last blog. Upon entering the warehouse last night my psychic sense once again kicked in and I knew 3 things for certain 1. Timber Jenny will be bleeding at some point tonight. 2. This big ole stamp on my hand will be on my forehead by tommorow morning. and 3. I have a lot of beer. And now here I am stamp on my oh so pounding and miserable head. I have no choice but to turn my good faith to the bottle of Lenoltec (caffiene, codiene, and acetominophen) that Great White smuggled back from Canada. It's really God's gift to earth in situations like these. In fact. Let's review the situation at hand shall we....






Oh shit whoops.. Wrong situation....

My Situation (please refer to footnotes): Went to a warehouse party last night. Drank a considerable amount of beer. Hung out with my most awesome wolfpack crew of friends (1). Danced to Motown. Drank more beer. Swung around on the dance floor swing for a hot second. Laughed my ass off at Timber when she comes to me with bleeding hands(2). Ran the kissing booth for the good part of an hour (wtf?*3*!!&). Went to my friend Stefanyes's (Stefanmaybe? Stefano? Stefanprobably not? Stefanhellno?) as to accompany two ladies who wouldn't have felt comfortable going alone. P.S. You fucking owe me dude. I ate a grilled cheese sandwich(4). Called his toolbar floormate out for being a misogynist a-hole. Showed him the door. Accepted his apology when he came back. Showed him the door again because he really was just a woman hating douche bag. Fell asleep on the only rug in the apartment under Stefanprobablynot's Carhart jacket, one leg slipped through an armhole at approximately 4:30 a.m. Considered farting in the hood just to spite him(5). Went to sleep instead. Woke up at 6:30 a.m. to get a ride back home. Went back to fucking bed.

Footnotes
1. They really are frickin awesome. I'm pretty sure I kissed a good portion of them last night.
2. Girlfriend fell on her ass somehow and managed to scrape the shit out of her hand. LMAO. Her description of it was "like sliding into home base." Incredible. Fucking incredible.
3. Don't ask me, why or how, but somehow I got into the kissing booth. Now my rational self would say "Hammerhead.... you are not heading home right now and you are WAY past hammered...what's the deal? There is a reason why you head home at night when you're hammered.. CUS YOU'RE A FUCKING WEREWOLF BEAST!!!!!!!" We all know now that the rational self was out to lunch last night. I'm pretty sure I kissed upwards of 20 people. Mostly of the female persuasion. Some girls a little longer than others because they smelled like cinnamon and tasted like mint but other than those few I kept the lips in an innocent pucker. JEEEZE I am ridiculous. But hey... I made three dollars.....
4. It was delicious.
5. Don't judge me, if you knew him you probably would want to fart in his hood too.

In light of my behavior last night, we can all say that it was a full moon, more specifically The Wolf Moon. And if you didn't know, not only do I belong to a society of sharks, but a pack of wolves. Thus the "landshark seawolf" title and thus, my comical behavior on such a epic lunar occurance. The crazies did come out. I was one of those crazies. I also might mention that I look like this....

Irresponsibilty at it's finest

People! It's Friday, Sabbath of the Party Gods. Any hint of exhaustion I might have experienced from today's long list of work and chores has vanished in a cloud of excitement and high hopes for this evenings events. Half of this newly fueled energy also being attributed to my rambuctious other half Timber Jenny because she is fucking stoked on life right now. I got home about 20 minutes ago and the woman will not stop talking to me about her latest ventures (those from last night).She is definitely breaking out of her shell a bit. Girlfriend is networking up a storm in SW Portland. The girl is finding new friends left and right. She's making me look like a freeking amatuer when it comes to socializing. All is well though, because in all honesty (haha Sarah), if Ole Ankle Weights finds a friend, automatically I make a friend. It's just one characteristic of our hetero life mate dynamic. Awesome.

Aside from all other kinds of awesome we have been invited to a warehouse party in NW tonight. What does this mean you might ask? It means we're going balls to wall in celebration of our glorious roommate Dan's friend Ashley's birthday. Wow. That was a mouth full but a welcome mouth full none the less. Rest assured I will have a mouth full of whiskey tonight if I play my cards right. Ahh alas! I've just been informed that a full moon is upon us and we all know what happens when there is a full moon. The crazies (crazys? CRAYZEES? sp?) come out.I will be one of those crazies. Timber Jenny will definitely be one of those crazies. And with any luck, we will look like this tommorow morning.

Shark Bait Oo Ha Ha

You are all in a lot of trouble and you don't even know it. To the best of my knowledge, I can say that at least 2 cities on the west coast are unsafe for mankind (men more specifically speaking). Those cities being Portland, OR and Santa Cruz, CA. I can tell you from experience, that vicious attacks happen almost every weekend by man eaters of the most vicious variety. The shark. You would be right to assume that the shark to be most feared and admired for it's predatory abilities is The Great White. She is flawless in her attack(most of the time). She is quick, to the point, and always wants a kiss. Many a night I have sat back from the merriment to watch the dance. A few shots of whiskey, perhaps a heated debate, and then comes the pucker and the demand. "Pawease gimme a kiss". She's got you fool. Amanda, you are a sharking legend. Keep up the good work. But remember my friend, "even great white's make mistakes".

Shark number 2, but my wingwoman, Thresher. If you are not familiar with the Thresher shark, I suggest you acquaint yourself, and quite quickly. It's the backlash of the tail that proves deadly. She is small and innocent looking, but a scorpion hell beast with eyes to kill. You may not know that you're being sharked on. In fact, it generally takes several days to several months for an attack to even become apparent. But when it does, you will either feel like you're on cloud nine or a bag of dicks. Comparable to the Great White in magnetism, watch your ass boys. She'll getcha.. (in the best way of course).

And myself, Hammerhead. Aptly named for my inclination when at the bar to get hammered and head home. In recent months, I have proven to be vegetarian in nature. I'll flirt, I'll dance, I'll tell jokes in the bathroom line, but there's a pretty good chance that I'm not interested in taking you home with me. My reasoning stems from an everlong battle with diehard/hopeful/romantic loyalty. I could be a fool or perhaps I'm not, and I am waiting for a reason. But for right now, I'm happy refraining from inviting people I find mediocre back to my house so I can sit in my room the next day grabbing my dreads hoping that I didn't fuck up some predestined course I had been working on to someday make it back to him. Nope. I am a dreamer and he is my Everest.

Thus, you have the sharks. 3 Girlfriends who have known eachother since scrunchies and tetherball were the shit. We have fun, we kick ass, and we will rip you to shreds. Sadly, Great White has left us in Portland to return to SC. Her time here was well spent, and in the near future I will confess some of the oddities and great happenings that came from her dwelling in Stumptown. Allow me to not forget to mention the other lady sharks prowlings these waters. The Mako, Angel, and Tiger shark are representing along the west coast. More to come about them as well.

I lost an expensive journal, and now I'm here.

Hello world.

Welcome to my rant. The reason I find myself here is that recently, I purchased a journal (26.00 bones!) and now I have lost it. Not that it had really any juicy gems from my every day life but I miss it. There's just something about pen to paper that is so fucking glorious but this will do for now. And plus! (!!**!!) I get to share my thoughts with cyberspace and we all know that never bites you in the ass couple days, months, years down the road. What can I say, I am young, stupid, and have an ass load of things to say. Save me from myself.